How To Create A Mission Statement As A Family

How To Create Your Family Mission Statement

Creating a Family Mission Statement can be one of the most valuable activities you ever embark on together with your family. If you incorporate all family members in the process it will become something that all family members take ownership of. It can make it significantly easier to get buy-in if you make it a team effort.

Myfamilyhandbook.com is a great tool to begin the process. We recommend creating your own Family Mission Statement even before you have your first family meeting to discuss. Create something generic. This will give you some talking points with your family as you begin the process.

Iterations Will Be Key: Make it a point to not get hung up on perfection in your first couple of tries. If it doesn’t sound just perfect on your first try, don’t worry about it. If it doesn’t look quite right, know that you can always improve it. The process with your family is every bit as valuable as getting a completed product.

The Process: Many experts agree that the process of creating a Family Mission Statement is one of the most engaging, inspiring and family-bonding activities you can embark on as a family. Not to mention the end result will be something your family uses for many years to come and perhaps continues as your legacy long after you are gone. All family members will remember this process and (if done right) will be something your family members refer to often.

It all starts with a Family Meeting: If you don’t know how to have a family meeting, don’t worry about it. We get asked this all of the time. There really are no right or wrong ways to have a family meeting. It can be as short as an after-dinner talk or as long as a weekend away at a lodge in the wilderness. No matter how you choose to have your family meetings, there are some key components that we can share that will help you structure and lead these well.

We’ll share a more detailed guide to holding a family meeting in a later article. For now, let’s focus on how to begin creating your Family Mission Statement together with your family.

Step 1: Call a Family Meeting

While we made it clear above that Family Meetings can be as casual as a meeting directly after dinner, we recommend that you make the first one a special meeting. Make it clear to your family that you have some very important things to discuss and want to make sure that everyone is present and open to have an engaged discussion about the future of the family. Don’t tell them too much up-front. Just let them all know when you plan to hold the family meeting and make sure that they all have the time set aside for the entirety of the meeting.

For best results, plan at least an afternoon of family fun and engagement, if not an entire day. That is not to say the family meeting will take up all that time. Schedule some fun activities around this important family meeting. It could be on a Saturday or any day that everyone has available to give their undivided attention to this important family event. Many families will plan a day at a hotel or a weekend away. If that’s not possible, don’t worry about it. Just make this meeting special and not simply a quick afterthought. It is important to be very intentional about this as the leader of your family.

Depending on how much time you plan to alot to it initially, this meeting may need to be broken up into multiple meetings that are planned into the future. If you do choose to break it up into multiple smaller meetings, be sure to have the dates and times already decided on. Or if your children are older, solidify your next meeting time before ending your first meeting.

Leadership is Key: If you are reading this you are likely the parent or the leader of your family. Some parents lead loosely while others run a tight ship. You don’t have to run a tight ship to hold a good family meeting. However, you do have to be intentional, be willing to follow an agenda and to set the ground rules for your meeting in order for the family to get the most out of the time together. Remember, you lead every single day to a certain degree. And you are getting ready to take leadership to the next level in your family. It is going to be great and exciting. Your family will be inspired and if you are like many parents, the results will be significant for your family members. But you must step into the shoes of a leader and let your family know that this activity is something of great importance for the family as a whole.

Set the Ground Rules:

1. Request all family members come to the table (or wherever you choose your meeting to be held) without devices.

2. Request everyone bring a pen/pencil and notepad.

3. Before beginning, let the family members know how the meeting will be conducted.

   1. You will lead the discussion

   2. You will ask for feedback and all family members will have the opportunity to offer feedback.

   3. There will be no cross-talking. Everyone will get their own chance to talk without others talking over them.

   4. If anyone needs a potty break, take it now and be back in 5 minutes….because there will be no unscheduled breaks.

   5. Discuss the meeting agenda and get buy-in that each family member will participate.

   6. Let the family know how much time this meeting will take. If you have children ages 4-10, it may be best to keep the initial meeting between 15 min and 30 min. If they are over age 10, you can probably stretch a meeting to 45 min to an hour. You know your family better than we do so use your best judgement on how much time you can keep their attention. Just remember, you don’t want to make the experience unpleasant. You want it to be exciting and engaging.

4. Choose someone who can take notes for this meeting. If you feel you can do it without too much discussion, allow the family to vote on who the note taker should be. A good way to do this is to say “Okay, everyone close your eyes. Raise your hand if you think so and so should be the note taker.” You can take it from there.

5. Everyone gets a say and gets heard. Be sure that you set up the meeting so that they know the ground rules and be sure they understand them. They will challenge you if it is your first time. You have to be willing to keep a straight face and remind them of the rules. If you have a white board or a way to post the ground rules so that everyone can see them, use it. This can be helpful...especially if it is your first time.

6. Tell them that you expect to hold this meeting by calling on those who raise their hand. In other words, no talking until you are called on. Make sure that everyone agrees to this before starting the meeting.

Let’s Get This Meeting Started: Now that we have flooded you with the setup of your family meeting, let’s get into how to begin the discussion of creating your Family Mission Statement.

If prayer is something you do as a family, you should begin with a prayer. We encourage you to not ask one of the kids to offer the prayer but instead for you to be the one who does so. This just reinforces the fact that you are leading this meeting.

If you have a different family tradition that you use for family meetings, start with it. But remember to stay in the lead as the meeting begins.

Ask Questions: Begin by saying something like “I want us all to be thinking about what our family is all about. Think about it for a moment. What is this family about? Take a moment and let that sink in. Give them a minute or two to think about it. Resist the urge to fill in the blanks for them.

Encourage them to begin writing out their thoughts as they come. You can ask questions in one of two ways.

1. You can decide on the questions you will ask ahead of time, print them out and give them to each member when the meeting begins. Then let them take time to answer them on their own and then come back and let each one share.

2. Or you may simply ask each question and get feedback from different individuals you choose. Keep in mind that you have already chosen someone to take notes so that person should be capturing all of the ideas and answers to questions.

Here are some examples of questions that will move the discussion forward:

1. What is the purpose of family?

2. How do you feel about being a part of this family?

3. What is it that makes a family a family?

4. What kind of family do we want to be?

5. What kind of things do we want to do as a family?

6. What sort of feeling do we want to have in our home?

7. What sort of home would you like to invite your friends to?

8. Is there anything about our family that you don’t like?

9. Is there anything about our family that embarrasses you?

10. What is your absolute favorite thing about our family?

11. What do we want people to think about when they think about our family?

12. What kind of relationships do we want to have with one another?

13. How do we want to treat one another and speak to one another?

14. What are the unique talents and gifts of other individual family members?

15. What is unique about our family?

16. What are some things that are truly important to our family?

17. What do we want to be remembered by as a family?

18. What are our responsibilities as a family?

19. What are our individual responsibilities as family members?

20. What are some principles and guidelines that we want our family to live by?

21. Who do we look up to the most outside of our family?

22. What other families do we want to be like? Why?

23. How can we serve others as a family?

24. How can we become a family that others are inspired by?

25. What is our mission as a family? (This may stump them)

Don’t feel like you have to answer every question. The goal is in the process. You will find this to be an engaging time for your family. And you will probably get some insights that you never thought you’d hear. Just be sure you are taking good notes. You may have to remind or encourage the note taker to write down as much as they can.

Identify Your Family’s Stated Core Values:

Once you have completed your questions, take things a little bit deeper. Tell your family that you would like to establish a list of core values as a family.

Identify exactly what a core value is. Tell them that a core value is something that you feel so strongly about in your life that you hold to it even if it means you might be embarrassed or possibly hurt or harmed by choosing it in the moment. For example: Integrity is a core value. How could it hurt to have integrity? Define integrity and then let the family come up with a scenario where having integrity could cause discomfort.

“This is what a core value is. It is something we don’t waver on.”

You can go through this same process on www.myfamilyhandbook.com. If you go to the core values section, you’ll find this exact process. That being said, if you choose not to become a Family Handbook family and you still want to go through this process you can also find this at www.myfaminc.com. Or feel free to simply go through the following process. You’ll be able to print your Core Values Statement on either site.

Ask your family to identify their top 10 out of the following list:

Achievement Adventure Authenticity Balance Beauty Balance Collaboration Community Compassion Competitiveness Courage Creativity Curiosity Education Excellence Excitement Fairness Faith Freedom Friendship Fun God's Word Hard-Work Health Helping Hospitality Humility Humor Integrity Joy Knowledge Learning Love Loyal Moderation Open-mindedness Peace Prayer Problem-solving Resolving-Conflict Respect Responsibility Risk Service Sustainability Team-work Time-together Tolerance Tradition Trust Unity Unwavering

Core Values Step 2: Narrow Your List

We have found that having 10 Core Values is too many. 5 is a good number and one that most family members can easily retain.

Look at the list of 10 that you agreed on as a family and ask the family to pair it down. Some of the words might have similar meanings. For example, integrity and trust might be similar. If both are on your list of 10, ask the family to vote on which they prefer and get rid of the other one. The goal is to get agreement on the top 5 out of your list of 10. This is typically pretty easy. Once done, read them back to the family and get a thumbs up from everyone.

Congratulations Family. You have just completed a very important step. Identifying Core Values as a family is our first step in becoming more intentional to embrace them together and move towards that which we have identified to be most important to us.

Next Step: Family Mission Statement

Now that you have gone through the process of helping your family think more intentionally about your family and all they would like it to be, moving into the Family Mission Statement process will seem like a smooth transition. They are already thinking more like a family and a team. It is now time to discuss the idea of a Family Mission Statement.

Tell your family that you want to establish a Family Mission Statement. This is a statement about your family that identifies that which the family sets out to accomplish or achieve as a family. It can be helpful to review other Family Mission Statements. You may go through a defined process with your family online at www.myfamilyhandbook.com. There you will find examples of other family mission statements and be able to edit to your liking. You will also be able to print your family mission statement when you are finished...and it will have plenty of design and personality to it. If you don’t want to use an online process, just keep going.

It is important to keep the following in mind as you begin.

1. There is no right or wrong way to write a Mission Statement. That being said, most mission statements are short enough that they can be memorized. A good mission statement is generally no more than 30 words. Some are less than 15.

2. Try making this a collaborative effort. Give each family member a task of writing one statement they’d like to be part of the mission statement. Remember to listen well when they share. Try to find a way to incorporate at least one word or phrase of their statement into your bigger mission statement. If this isn’t possible, it isn’t the end of the world. Remind them that this is the first draft of your family mission statement and that it will likely change before being finalized.

3. Remember that this is a first draft. Remind your family members that it doesn’t have to be perfect. You just have to come up with something for now. Let it sink in. Whatever you do, be sure to get a first draft. You can always revisit it at a soon future meeting.

4. Remember, 30 words or less. It can be one or two long or short sentences. Or it can also be a simple list of bullet points.

5. Remember, the process is the most important thing at this point for your family.

Formalize Your Family Mission Statement:

Don’t just write it on a sheet of paper or place it inside of a notebook. Once you have your finished family mission statement and your whole family agrees that this will be your mission statement until further notice, make it official. If you are a creative type, put it into Microsoft Publisher or Powerpoint or some other software where you can give it some design and somewhat of a professional look. You can accomplish this very easily on www.myfamilyhandbook.com. But once again, feel free to create your own design.

Consider having it printed at your local Kinkos or printing shop on something larger than your traditional 8.5 x 11. Many print shops can create banners, vinyl lettering or even print on material that you could never print on from a home printer. Consider framing your end product and find a place for it to hang in your home.

Believe me, you will refer to it often and so will your family members. It’s actually kind of cool how it works that way.

The more you use it the more it will become a part of your family. I can’t tell you how many times I have had the opportunity to correct my children reminding them of the words we all agreed to in our family mission statement. And guess what...sometimes they have even corrected me. :-)

Review Your Family Mission Statement:

It is a great idea to revisit your family mission statement at least every couple of years, if not annually. Many families look forward to planning their “Special Day” and know about the family meeting they will have during that special time. Believe it or not, over time they will begin thinking about their answers and input ahead of time. And they’ll come prepared. :-) And as a parent, there is nothing like it. Such a great way to inspire your family. If you don’t do it, someone else will.

Happy Leading!

If you should have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me at ben@myfamilyhandbook.com.