My Adoption Story

Blessings

Laura Story released her song Blessings in 2011.

I loved the song and could very much relate with the lyrics. "What if your blessings come through raindrops...what if your healing comes through tears...what if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know You're near...what if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise."

When I first heard the song I couldn't help but think back to 2003 just a year after I had gotten married when I went to the doctor and received some news that no man wants to ever get.

"Sorry Ben but you won't be able to father your own children". I've always been a bit of a rebel to the status quo so I didn't think much of his comment. Maybe you could say that I tended to think outside the box that most people thought in. So when he said those words, all I could think to myself was "Hold my beer Doc". In other words, "Watch me dude". Nobody was gonna tell me that I wouldn't be able to father my own kids. Of course I knew what he meant. He meant that my large batallion of soldiers had no problem getting onto the battlefield but they would most certainly be unable to march all the way to the castle.

He went on to tell me that I had a chromosomal abnormality that only effects males and only 1 in 1,000 at that. He said that he had never before met a person who had this condition. The condition was known as Klinefelter's Syndrome. This is where it gets strange. It is caused when a male is born with an extra copy of the X chromosome. Apparently women get 23 Xs on both sides while men get 23 Xs and 23 Ys. So when discussing this you might say that a woman has a 46XX chromosomal makeup while a man has 46XY. I got neither. I got 47XXY. Try telling that to your four brothers who are cranking out babies left and right. Much less your new wife who was planning to have a family with you. Not fun. So while I knew some stupid chromosomal thing would never stop me from having kids, I still felt like half a man. The only treatment for this condition is Testosterone Therapy. So at 27 years old I began injecting myself with Testosterone on a weekly basis and getting used to the fact that I had an extra chromosome that had caused and would continue to cause all sorts of unpleasant challenges in my life. Strange huh!!

Noah Benjamin Langhofer

Then just a little over a year later on a whim one day I decided to call a friend who runs an adopting agency. "Hey Joanne, it's Ben. Chelsea and I are ready to begin the three year process of adopting a child."

Most people have a hard time believing the next part...but I can assure you that it is 100% accurate. Joanne, responded in the frazzled voice she generally had "Oh that's great. I am literally walking out the door to drive to Dallas to pick up a baby boy who was born yesterday. Do. you want him?" At first I thought she was joking. Nope. Not Joanne. That woman has more crazy stories than could be told in a lifetime. She was serious and genuinely asking. I hadn't even told my wife that I was making that call! It was a total whim! So I reluctantly said "Uh sure, uh how much is it going to cost?" to which she quickly replied "$18,000". I barely had $1,800 to my name in those days. So I told Joanne I'd call her back in a few minutes. Before getting my wife's hopes up I stuck my head into my dad's office where I was working at the time. He was on the phone. I whispered "Hey dad, have you got $18,000 laying around?" He held the phone away for a moment and whispered back "What's it for?". I said "It's for your third grandson" to which he quickly replied "I'll pay half". That was fantastic! I could't believe it. So I called my wife and shared the news with her. She thought I was joking....which isn't all that unusual. I tend to joke about things that most wouldn't dream of joking about. More on that another time. When I finally convinced her I wasn't joking she said "Let me call you back." She called back 10 minutes later and said "My parents said they'd pay half...now get home cause we've got a nursery to get set up." So I called Joanne back and gave her the thumbs up. That was on a Tuesday and literally by Friday we had Noah Benjamin Langhofer in our arms. My dad nicknamed him Fedex...because we got him in 3 days. :-)

Elizabeth Grace Langhofer

Almost exactly a year and a half later my phone rang and it was Joanne. "Hi Ben, would you and Chelsea like to have a baby girl?" I got excited and told her I'd call her back. After speaking with Chelsea we both called Joanne back. There was a 16 year old girl who lived about 20 miles from us who was due any day and hadn't chosen a birth family. So we went that day to meet with her and her parents. The next day Joanne called to congratulate us because the birthmother had chosen Chelsea and I to adopt her baby. Additionally, she told us to get ready because Kacey (the birth mom) was due any day and they had requested that we be involved from that moment forward. If she were headed to the hospital, we were to do the same. So, only a week later we got the call and we both headed to the hospital. Chelsea was able to go in and help deliver Elizabeth. She was strong and healthy and ready to come home. That day we left the hospital and brought Elizabeth Grace home to an excited but very careful and tender big brother Noah.

Isaac Rome Langhofer

Just a little back story. Noah was the best baby in the world. He never cried, laughed often, gave us this special sign when he was hungry (it was so cute), was super healthy and when he woke up from his naps he would just lay there and giggle waiting for us. "Sis" as we called her was a different story. If we had gotten her first we might have been too exhausted to opt for a second one. She cried all of the time. She just seemed to have been born mad. The laundry room became her friend. The lull of a humming dryer sometimes did the trick to induce sleep. If that didn't work I'd load her into the car and drive around at 3 am listening to her scream bloody murder until I hit just the right bump that clicked something in her little angry brain to get her to drift off to sleep. I recall having some pretty bad thoughts back in those days. The kind of things you can never repeat. Needless to say we were exhausted...and we really hadn't been able to save up much money. No doubt some companies are laughing their heads off at the amount of money new parents are willing to fork over for a box of diapers and a tiny little can of yellow powder they like to call "Baby Formula"? Sheesh!!!

Exhausted as we were, we'd still found joy and peace and were enjoying our little ones. Then one day in 2008 I arrived home early one evening and enjoyed the usual greetings by little ones . While I was hugging and playing with the two miracles we had, Chelsea came with a surprising greeting. "Hi honey. How was your day? Guess what....Joanne called."

I immediately looked up and said...

"Nuh uh. No Way. Not happening. THERE IS NOOOO WAY!!! We don't have the time, the space, the money and I'm pretty sure we are both out of patience at this point. We are NOT adopting another baby right now!!! What in the world is Joanne thinking? That this couple over there in East Wichita is made of money? We just can't do it. Sorry. No way. Not no but H.E double hockey sticks NO WAY." But then I let those infamous famous last words escape from my lips.. "The only way I would adopt another baby right now is.........if.........it were.............our "Angel Baby" Noah's little brother!!! Ha!"

So we agreed that we weren't adopting another baby but we needed to at least return Joanne's phone call. So I called Joanne. Chelsea was sitting across from me probably admiring my gorgeous eyes :-). I said "Hi Joanne" and then I listened for about 1 minute before screaming out loud "Shut Your Mouth Joanne!" I looked up at Chelsea who was merely rolling her eyes at that moment (thinking I was messing with her) and she said "Put the dumb phone down. I know you aren't even talking to Joanne right now!" I literally thought Joanne was just messing with me. She wasn't.

Joanne had called to tell us that Noah's birth mom was pregnant and wanted to know if we wanted Noah's little brother. You could have knocked me over with a feather at that moment. I couldn't believe it.

Long story short, we couldn't say no. It was Noah's little brother. We raised the money, made some room in the house, told Noah and Sis about their new baby brother that would be here in 4 months and for the first time in our parenting lives we actually had more than 2 weeks to prepare to have a baby. :-). His due date was September 15. We found that to be an amazing thing because Chelsea and I got married on the 15th, Noah was born on the 15th and as luck would have it Elizabeth was also born on the 15th. Each of those previous events in our lives happened pretty swiftly. But with Isaac we had 4 months to prepare. Guess what...Isaac came 4 days late. He was born on the 19th of September, 2008. Our family of 5 was just about perfect. We couldn't have been happier.

Growing up I struggled a lot. Much of it due to the symptoms of Klinefelter's Syndrome. While all of my siblings enjoyed their one or two schools that mom and dad had chosen to send them to, I was literally asked to leave every school I ever went to. I didn't get in fights or steal or drink or cheat or any of the things you would think about a kid who gets asked to leave schools. I was just one of those kids that frustrated the heck out of any teacher or authority figure I could find. One principal once put it this way to my mom "Jeanne, that kid is everything you love in an adult and everything you hate in a kid." I was just that kid. And no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't get it right. Fortunately I was raised by an amazing set of parents and had 5 awesome siblings as an even better bonus. Without my awesome family, I never would have made it through school much less to age 27 and have the privilege of marrying a woman who was crazy…about me….:-) and fathering the most treasured little miracles this side of heaven.

But as the doctor delivered the news that day I felt all of the pain and all of the failure in my life come rushing back into my mind. I had known there was something wrong with me all of my life. I was told so by every teacher, principal, youth leader, pastor etc...I'd ever encountered. So now I knew it was true. I was born fundamentally flawed and was bound to be a failure. Sure, I'd still prove that doctor wrong some day and become a dad but I still knew I was different and he just confirmed it.

And of course I was devastated for my wife. It didn't matter how much she reassured me. I knew that women want to conceive and have “their own” children and family. As it turned out she was quite pleased to get to avoid child birth and build a family the way that her parents built theirs; through adopting.

Blessing in disguise

Today as I look back I am 100% convinced that being born with that extra X chromosome and facing all of the challenges I faced were nothing more than my own blessings in disguise. For if I hadn't been sterile I don't know if we would have been interested in adopting at that point. I absolutely cannot imagine my life without Noah, Elizabeth and Isaac. Adopting these three little miracles has been the most incredible blessing I could have ever imagined.