Our "Memory Chair"

Have you ever paid $2,000 for a chair? Me either. I bet you've never ruined a $2,000 chair. Well neither have I. But I almost did. More importantly I almost ruined a priceless moment over something as insignificant as a chair. A $2,000 chair, yes. But still just a chair. In comparison to the heart of a 4 year old little girl who wants to please her daddy and particularly in this story, the cost of the chair was and still is quite irrelevant.

The Herman Miller Ergonomic Office Chair

I always wanted a Herman Miller office chair, though I never would have bought one. In 2006 they were the best of the best in office chairs. At least as far as I knew. I wasn't exactly a Fine Office Chair connoisseur nor did I go around furniture stores sitting in office chairs. I had just seen them in the magazines and heard people talk about how comfortable they were and of course how expensive they were and how they were worth every penny. In 2006 I was working in dad's office and he had just ordered all knew furniture for his office. And wouldn't you know it...that guy bought Herman Miller Office Chairs! Lucky Dog! Of course he didn't buy them for everyone in his office. Just him and his executive assistant. I got stuck with the uncomfortable hand-me-down from his assistant. But hey, I was in sales and sales guys shouldn't be sitting at their desk much anyway. :-).

My First/Only Herman Miller Chair

In 2008 my dad had to retire. Well he didn't need his Herman Miller chairs anymore so he gave me the best one. I was thrilled. These things had lumbar support, mesh backing from some high end fabric (probably made from some high grade NASA polymer that just hit the market), multiple rocking features, height adjustments and multiple other cool features that I probably didn't even know about. Needless to say, if Herman Miller chairs hadn't been known for their great quality and durability I might have been afraid to sit in it. It was. And I wasn't. So that chair got plenty of use. But it was also a gift from my dad. Sort of like a send off present from a dad to a son to "go out into the world and make a business of your own" kind of gift. So I took my Herman Miller chair to my new office and I used it daily. And when I did there were times I felt like a successful entrepreneur like I always knew my dad to be.

The Demise Of My Herman Miller Office Chair

In 2010 I was the proud dad of three little ones. One of those little ones happened to be a 4 year old little girl who loved watching her dad work and being near him at the office. One fateful day in 2010 I left my sweet princess in my office while I went to use the restroom. On my way back in I got a phone call. My call lasted longer than it should have during which time I opted to take a walk outside and enjoy the cool air. I walked back into my office expecting my daughter to still be sitting in her chair reading books. I know right? What was I thinking??? It's like we parents have short lapses in brain function and briefly assume our children have fully developed frontal cortexes and can actually reason the way grown ups do. Well she was not sitting in her chair. She was attempting to gather material to make a quilt for her dad and she was harvesting that material from the coolest chair in the room. Yep, her scissors had made a good three inch cut into the mesh back of my inherited Herman Miller chair.

The Birth Of A New Chair

Elizabeth turned to me when I walked in, smiled and said "look Daddy". In a split second my face went red. I could feel the heat rising from my neck all the way to the top of my head. My muscles tightened throughout my entire body. In an instant my mind flashed to every awful word that had ever snuck across my lips. I clenched my teeth in anger. All I could see was a big gaping hole in the awesome gift my dad had awarded me. I was beyond angry.

To this day I don't know what came over me or how I found my way out of that intense feeling of anger in that moment. Perhaps it was seeing the sweet innocent face of my daughter hoping for her daddy's approval. Perhaps it was one of those few seemingly miraculous gifts each of us get blessed with in life that are just beyond any logical explanation. A guardian angel of sorts, just tilting the momentary scales enough in our favor that we are able to defy human ability and alter the course of our own future for the better. Whatever it was that came over me in that moment no doubt changed my perspective about much of my future parenting style and momentary choices.

As angry as I was in that brief moment I was able to process "She didn't set out to ruin my chair. She generally wants nothing more that to make her daddy proud. Even if I did ask her not to play with the scissors, she's 4 years old. She has the attention span of a young squirrel and the imagination of a children's book author. It isn't her fault my chair got ruined. It's mine. I walked away. I stayed on the phone. I left her with scissors and really cool mesh fabric that would have been tempting for any little girl. It's not her fault. It's mine." So as I searched for the words to express my contempt, all of these logical thoughts were buzzing through my angry brain. When I opened my mouth I fully expected some pretty harsh words of rebuke to escape. One that I can think of off the top of my head was a very unpleasant two word phrase beginning with M. But what came out was "Memory". "That s a memory!!!" I blurted out. "Not a pleasant one Sweet Girl. Quite dreadful. But it's also quite fantastic because it involves you".

It was nearly miraculous that those gracious words found their was to my lips in that moment!

"Memory Marks"

Pretty much ever since that day when my kiddos have made age reflective honest mistakes, I attempted to see them as mere memories. For examples, bumping into my truck with their bikes and leaving a mark (big or small) or throwing the football and leaving a dent somewhere where it doesn't belong or scratching up the table while doing a craft. I don't recall getting angry about these minor insignificant mistakes. I've just called them "memory marks". We had lots of memory marks in the house the kids spent their early childhood in. We didn't keep a messy or dirty house and we did take pride in our things and did our best to keep them up. But when accidents happened, I didn't get uptight. I just knew we'd created another memory that we'd laugh about someday.

To this day, I have kept my Memory Chair in my office. Yes, my professional office where clients come to discuss big important financial decisions. When they ask about the Memory Chair I tell them the story and do my best to remind them that "most mistakes that children make are not intentional and they are still learning...so give them a break". :-).